My Autism Insights

It’s that time again, and I have some thankfulness, but I’ve also learned some interesting things today.

First, I am thankful that our trip to the water park today went well, and both kids were amazing. There was not a single meltdown, they waited on lines beautifully, and I have to say I’ve got two of the bravest kids I know. That in itself is something to be grateful for.

But here are a few things I’ve learned today:

1. Gus is getting to a point where I can let him go, just a little, and he’ll be okay. I can’t say how terrifying it was to let him go down the huge water slides on his own, but after he went down with someone once or twice, he wanted to try it solo. So we let him. His response: “That was AWESOME!!”

2. Gus has made amazing progress. I remember a time when he couldn’t wait for 10 seconds let alone stand on a long water park ride. He started to bolt a couple of times, excited to get back on line for the slides again, but for the most part he followed the rules we laid down (ahead of time of course) and he stayed with us.

3. I can push myself much further than I give myself credit for when I have to. I hate cold water, but when Gus wanted to go in the Lazy River, I got right in. When he went into the deep part of the very crowded wave pool, which was FREEZING, I was right there with him. I hated it, but I did it anyway because his safety was more important than my discomfort. I’ve often wondered in the back of my mind if my kids got in trouble in the water if I’d be able to handle the cold enough to get to them in time. I guess I can. I even got on the big water slides. Scary, but fun.

So that’s my deal for today. What have you learned about yourself from your children?

“We’re just having one of those days,” I said, trying to corral my two soaked swimmers toward the car, one dragging her feet, the other clearly agitated and not wanting to walk.

“What if I find myself saying that every day?” another mom asked, walking ahead of us.  Wouldn’t we all like the answer to that question - neurotypical and special needs moms alike?

She gave a sympathetic tilt of the head when I stopped suddenly, unable to converse any longer because my son screamed frantically all of a sudden.  There seemed to be sand scratching his legs beneath his swim trunks, already annoying because of their cold wetness. 

Ironic that they were wet at all as the water had been too cold for him to get fully into the lake.  That was okay; I wouldn’t have done any better.  The running toward the deep water without the rest of his group or his teacher, causing me to do a series of sprints from one end of the beach to the other in some twisted sort of Olympic time trial…not so okay.  Mini-meltdown as the teacher tried to help him jump into the deeper (4 feet) water when he stated that he wanted to jump in, insisted that he wanted to jump in….

But the part that made me want to cry was the parent walking with her daughter, making sure to keep a safe distance from my odd family.  We’re not contagious and we don’t bite.  It was just one of those days.  And sometimes we have more of them than other people, but not always.  Not yesterday.  Hopefully not tomorrow, but if we do, we’ll deal.

Stressful day at swim class.

I lost track of the days again, so my Thursday post is a day late.  Sorry!  Anyway, here’s what I’m thankful for this week:

1. I am thankful that Gus is seeing the doctor on Monday and we can take him off this medication.  It usually takes a long time to get in to see this specialist, so we got pretty lucky.  If I never hear the word Strattera again it will be too soon.

2. I am thankful that I was able to get both kids registered for swim classes!  Gus loves the water and it has such a calming effect on him.  And we’re trying lessons late in the day so that he can relax a bit after school before heading out again.  He was pretty excited to be starting, and I’m sure his sister is going to have a wonderful time, too.

3. I am thankful that we got the same bus driver for the summer that we had last year.  I read over at Autismvox about a driver who got ‘lost’ with a nine-year-old autistic boy.  You just never know about people, so the fact that we have a very trustworthy driver this summer takes a huge load off my mind!

Please comment with your thankfulness below, and I’ll try to pay better attention to the calender next week!  Oh, and Happy Independence Day!

The temperature right now is around 96 with a heat index of 102 degrees.  And we haven’t hit the high yet.  It is officially beach season for us - lake beach, that is.  And as great as that is, it also gets…interesting with Gus. 

Gus loves the water, but swimming is challenging for him.  I remember two years ago trying to take him for swim classes at the local gym.  I think he got off the steps during the last class because the water was over his head.  Even if I held him, he didn’t like that feeling of not touching bottom.  The lake classes last summer were better for him because he never had to go any deeper than he could stand.  Trying to get him out to the docked raft even in a tube with me took most of the summer.  But, once he did get out there, he suddenly thought he was Olympic material!  So now the question is, how do we let him stretch himself now that he’s got the confidence to do it, while keeping him safe at the same time?  What are the skills he’s got to work on to be safe in the water?

One thing we make sure of is that he’s not allowed to really swim without an adult in the water with him.  He can splash around, but he can’t take any floatation devices.   So far he’s been pretty good about honoring the rope boundaries.  The next step will be to re-teach him how to float without a tube or water wings.  It’s so hard for him because he is so anxious about extending his body.  He tends to curl everything inward, like a little turtle. 

We need to work on things like keeping the fingers together, which doesn’t sound all that difficult, and it’s not unless you have difficulty getting your hands to do what you tell them to.   Likewise with teaching Gus to kick.  He might tell his legs to straighten out, but they continue to bend and curl in.  And of course it’s no easy task to find a balance between pushing just enough and pushing to the point of frustration and meltdown, because who ever knows what that point is going to be from day to day?

When we get the hands and legs working in sync, then the real fun will be trying to coordinate them with the arms.  Usually he kicks or paddles, but rarely both together.  People without these challenges take for granted how much mental energy can be involved in all these separate steps, let alone combining them all.  Fortunately (and I’ll knock on wood here), Gus has had some very patient swimming instructors thus far.  And other family members (who are much better swimmers than me) have been able to help as well.

None of this is bad by any stretch of the imagination.  Just things I’m reminded need to happen, step-by-step.  I think swimming is a valuable life skill - I wish it hadn’t taken me 37 years and two children to get over my own fear of the water.  And I only did because I was more afraid to have them in the water without me than I was of the water itself.  I couldn’t accept the idea of taking them to the lake by myself and not being able to jump in and save them if need be while the lifeguard was napping.  I don’t want either of my kids to have my fears; I want them to be able to enjoy their summer.  So we keep working at it, and one day I know Gus (and his sister the fish) will become competent in the water, if not Olympic material.