Mary at Bon Bon Gazette and the NJ Moms Blog did a couple of posts on this on this topic that I saw last week, and then I read this comment from a reader to my weekend post:
“I also have a son with aspergers syndrome. Justin is 12 yrs old a very quiet pre-teen. Who is a 7th grader in Jr. High. My main concern is that the kids at his school has started seeing him as an “easy target”. Justin won’t tell on these kids because he doesn’t want to get people in trouble. He is such a kind hearted boy and wouldn’t even hurt a fly. How can I get him to understand that what these kids are doing to him is very wrong and he needs to get help from an adult to put a stop to this once and for all? Please somebody help me and tell me what I should do as a parent!”
It’s disturbing that bullying is such a prevalent reality for so many students with special needs. With most kids on the autism spectrum, they may not look any different from their peers, but they often exhibit behaviors or a lack of social savvy that makes them easy targets for bullies. The harassment typically becomes a serious issue around middle school age and can last through high school. A conversation with Gus’s counselor revealed that students on the autism spectrum often don’t understand that they are being mistreated; they can think the abusers are their friends and that must be the way friends act. She mentioned a high school Aspie who would do some pretty outlandish things at the urging of other students because he didn’t realize they were mocking him. Another child began to view the physical abuse he was receiving at school as a ‘ritual’ and it fed into his perseverative tendencies. He would actually seek out the bullies because the abuse became his pattern until he was hurt and the school nurse intervened. The victims will usually not speak up for themselves, and the bullying may not go unchecked until there is some severe incident or the victim’s behavior begins to change and a parent, teacher or counselor takes notice.
Schools are becoming more responsive to these incidents because the situation has gotten so bad. Although there are federal laws (Rehabilitation Act of 1973, Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990) protecting the disabled against harassment in any educational facility that received public funding, on a practical level, it doesn’t offer much in the way of prevention. So what can parents do to protect their children from being tormented by their peers?
Be Aware
You can’t be with your child all the time, but you can be aware of any changes in your child’s behavior or appearance. Notice if your child is coming home dirty, with torn clothing or with bruises. Changes in behavior may include reluctance to go to school, an increase in behaviors that indicate distress (like stimming), changes in sleeping or eating, flinching, aggression or out-of-the-ordinary withdrawal. Also, don’t be afraid to ask questions of teachers and classroom aides to stay on top of what goes on during the school day.
Your IEP as a Tool
While you can’t directly have antibullying written into your child’s IEP, there are goals that can be written in to help reduce the risk of bullying. Goals that specifically work to increase social skills like recognizing social cues, assertiveness, or avoiding and handling bullying can be helpful. In addition, it may be possible to request services to prevent bullying such as staff monitoring in areas where bullying is likely to occur. If bullying has or is occurring, counseling support should be made available.
Educate the Peers
Emily at A Life Less Ordinary has had to deal with bullying and came up with a fantastic idea to educate her son’s peers about her son so that they would have a better understanding of some of his behavior. If Bullying Prevention programs at schools took a similar approach and educated their students about autism and other special needs, it might help reduce the ‘otherness’ of the special needs students. See what your child’s school or district might have in place for conducting this kind of diversity training. If nothing’s available, be proactive and try to get something started. And remember that kids who are neither bullies nor victims can play a role in bullying prevention as well by being encouraged to take a stand against it, as noted in the Autism Asperger Publishing Company’s Winter 2006 Newsletter, which was devoted to the issue of bullying.
Who Should You Take the Issue Up With?
As much as parents want to protect their child’s well being, it is possible to make the matter worse if you address the bully directly – it can just cause the situation to escalate. But you can’t ignore it either. Likewise, contacting the bully’s parents might have an adverse effect. If the incidents occur in school, start with your child’s teacher. If that doesn’t help, try the school principal. In severe cases, or situations where the school administration can’t control the situation to keep your child safe, remember that the law is on your side if you have to contact local authorities. If you still don’t feel that your child is safe, home schooling may be an option to consider, at least for a while.
Other reading
Some available resources:
Preventing Bullying of Children and Youth on the Autism Spectrum
Bullying (and Asperger’s Syndrome)
Bullying Among Children and Youth with Disabilities and Special Needs
NAS: Bullying: A Guide for Parents
And The Gray Center has several books and a DVD available on the topic of bullying as well.
If you have anything to add, or if I’ve misstated something, by all means, add to the discussion of this very important topic.
