My Autism Insights

  image by Designed to a T

I usually like to reflect on how our lives have developed over the past year.  Gus has had a very up and down year, but I think has come out ahead for it all.  Some of 2008’s highlights:

• Tried several dietary adjustments with no significant or sustained difference in Gus’s ability to focus or self-regulate in school.  But he is healthy which is always a plus.
• Tried medication, which in my opinion was a disaster.  It took my lively and brilliant little boy and crossed the roboticness of a Dr. Who Cyberman with the grumpiness of a Dalek.  I don’t see another medication trial in the near future unless there is some extenuating circumstance.
• Gus learned some new self-care skills this year: he can now put on shoes (with Velcro), dress with minimal prompting in the morning, and can put on fingered gloves independently.
• Gus learned to ride a two-wheeler AND within a month of learning completed a six-mile bike tour - a huge accomplishment for any seven year old.
• He joined a soccer team and really enjoys the game.

Those are just a few of the more momentous events of this past year.  Gus has expressed a desire to “behave better in school” in the coming year.  In addition, we plan to try to get him some more opportunities to socialize, possibly in a singing class or a special-needs bowling league.  In the spring, we should be able to start doing some bike riding together and we’re going to join a cycling club as a family.  That will open some opportunities for more of those long, scenic rides that are so calming for him, and may also allow him the chance to make a friend if that’s his wish.

One of the reasons I’m becoming attuned as a Kundalini Reiki practitioner is so that I can start using Reiki energy to help Gus to stay calm and focused.  If it has the benefit I’m confident it will, I’ll eventually teach him to channel Reiki energy himself.

In terms of the autism community at large, I’ll continue to share my lessons and experiences through this blog for as long as I am given a platform.  In the near future, a fellow blogger and author, Adonya Wong , will be guesting here on her virtual book tour.  She’s written a wonderful picture book entitled In My Mind and will discuss the book and her experiences with her son’s autism.  Adonya’s visit promises to spark some great discussion, and there will be a sweet giveaway as well.  Stay tuned!

So those are a few of our intentions for the coming year.  What progress have you seen this past year, and what are your plans for the days ahead?

To all my readers, new and old: Have a happy and safe New Year!

There were so many supportive and helpful comments to my post yesterday , I felt they deserved a post to say Thank You!!  It always amazes me that there are just so many awesome people who read and comment on my little corner of the Internet - it really boggles the mind some days.

We’ve tossed around some of your suggestions, and obviously this will be a process of trial and error as he grows and develops social skills.  We thought about Scouts, but without one of us to be at the meetings & activities with him, aside from the fact that I don’t see how Gus would even keep up, I’m not convinced that he wouldn’t bolt at the first chance, especially if the local troop is a big one. A friend suggested that maybe they’d have someone who could act as a shadow/mentor, but before I trust my son’s well being to anyone, obviously I’d have to know them extremely well.  And even then, the trust is tenuous at best.  I can’t say I’m the most forgiving person when it comes to some things.

As for sports, I think there may be a couple of indoor soccer games over the winter, but in the meantime, I’m looking into a special needs bowling league.  He might like that.  And I’m going to see if he can hang out, maybe over the holidays, with one of the boys from his class who I think doesn’t live too far.

He loves to sing, so I’m thinking maybe a voice class or chorus might be an option also.

At any rate, I will certainly take all your suggestions and input into consideration, and again, I really appreciate the great response to my question!!

Have a great Saturday night!

As my daughter’s class explores questions of wants vs. needs, and we spend a laugh-filled, lovely evening with some of my husbands oldest and dearest friends, I am forced back to an issue that I often avoid thinking about.  How do I help Gus find a friend?  Are friends a want or a need, especially for a kid who prefers to be alone?

Listening to all the hilarious stories of a group of boys between the ages of 12 and…well, now, I was struck by how such simple encounters made for the longest lasting memories.  I realized just how dumb ‘tween and teen boys can be (No offense, C!  I love the stories and I’m honestly a little jealous of all the fun you all had!) but also that on a very tangible level, they need the wild release that they can only get from being around other boys their age.  The wildness seems to forge them into the men they will become.  There seem to be valuable lessons in that nuttiness.  Look at Mowgli from The Jungle Book.  He had all those adventures with Baloo, which cause Baghera endless headaches, but in the end he was able to become civilized.  He grew from those adventures.  What happens to a boy then who doesn’t have those formative, crazy-male-bonding experiences?

The trouble is mostly that he never seems all that interested in being friends with anyone.  He has, on the rare occasion, approached a boy his age, but it almost never works out and he ends up alone - happily I should add.  There are very few boys his age in the neighborhood, and they don’t have the patience for someone who can’t quite keep up or for someone who takes so much work just to have a conversation with.  I’m usually just happy they’re not mean to him when he’s around; they just sort of ignore him.  Every rainbow colored moon, they will play together if there’s an adult (my husband) facilitating a game.

If he’s happier on his own then, is it right for me to push him into situations where he has to interact with other boys his age?  Is it fair?  Is it setting him up for anxiety and heartache?  But if I don’t, he misses out on a huge part of male development, it seems.

This came up at his parent-teacher conference, and we all tried to brainstorm ways to get him into a social setting.  We thought of music classes or bowling.  Soccer, which is on hiatus now anyway, is too busy to allow for developing much of a friendship.  They run, they go home, end of story.  Bowling has possibilities, and I’ll call about a special-needs team in the area.  Music classes don’t strike me as the best social opportunity, although he does love it.  I won’t even get into the cost issue for music classes.

Should I get him involved in an online community for kids?  Maybe I can find a Pokemon kids forum or something.  A pen-pal would be better than nothing at this point.

There’s also the possibility that I don’t need to be so concerned about this and he’ll be just fine without my interference.  I don’t know - thoughts?  And my apologies if I’m rambly - that kind of day.

Sunday is the new Thursday this week

I am most thankful today because last week ended and it truly stunk.  As any mature adult named Andrea would do, I have blacked it off of the calendar and will just pretend it never existed.

I am thankful that Gus’s soccer game got cancelled yesterday.  It was a shame, because it was the last game of the season, but if I had to spend an hour and a half in the pouring rain, I think I would have had to be institutionalized, especially after the week that shall not be named.

I am thankful that Gus, with all his issues, acts like a typical big brother toward MM.  This includes getting thoroughly sick of her and doing everything in his power to escape her while she insistently follows behind him, rattling on, non-stop.  They’ve been fighting on and off all weekend, and he finally thought he was getting a break by going out with his Dad, until he found out that his sister was actually ready and we were coming too.  Oh, the horror!  The girls are coming!  It’ll be good practice for him when instead of having to escape a whining sister, he’s trying to get away from a nagging wife.  We can hope.

Hope you had a great weekend, and if you’ve got something to be thankful for, by all means, please share!

P.S. I’ll be extra thankful when November is over. My Nano wordcount is 28,541. A little more than halfway there.

image by Petr Kratochvil

The past two weeks, Gus has been goofing off with another player on his team.  He and the little girl, T., have been distracting each other a great deal, chasing each other around the field instead of playing the actual game of soccer.  It’s been rather cute and considering that he often keeps to himself, I welcome any opportunity for him to connect to a peer.

Well he connected a little more during the game yesterday.  The mentors were doing a good job keeping both players focused, but occasionally, they would bump into each other and play a quick game of Tag before getting back to drills.  At one point, he decided to grab her hand and they walked downfield together.  Insert image of jaw dropping here.

Of course I couldn’t resist the temptation to ask if she was his girlfriend and to needle him just a bit.  He took it in stride and said that she was not in fact his girlfriend, but his rival.  Glad to see the Pokemon lingo is still firmly embedded in his brain.  We actually had an interesting conversation before he went to bed about who his friends were.  He never seemed to give this much thought, but last night he said that T. was not his friend, and in truth, they don’t know each other well, so in a way I guess he’s right.   But he did tell me something distinctive about each boy in his class (all boy) and he had the happiest expression on his face.  They are his friends.  So much for never being able to forge relationships like the idiot psychologist tried to tell us years ago when he was diagnosed.  Gus will form the kinds of relationships that he wants to and on his own terms.

And if he wants to call a girlfriend a rival, who am I to stand in his way?

We had a beautiful day for Gus’s soccer game yesterday and got a bit of a surprise.  A boy who he had been on the bus with two years ago was at the field watching his sister play.  The boy, T., was always a really sweet kid and so nice to Gus.  He’s in the 8th grade now and in “regular school,” which he was very proud to tell me.  It was great to see him!  T. sat at the sidelines with me watching the game, talking my ear off about any and everything, and volunteering to help out on the field if needed.  One of the players got a little tired out and lay down in the middle of the field.  T. was right there (he knew the girl) coaxing her back to her mom.  Really an awesome young man.

I’m having a bit of a dilemma.  T. does babysitting, and I will be needing one soon.  My biggest issue is that I have a general unease with leaving my kids with a) teenagers and b) males - any males (strictly my own issue and not indicative of any inherent inability of men to care for children) .  While my kids are generally good, especially for other people, you just never know when there will be an ‘issue’ and I always worry that one will crop up and the sitter won’t be able to handle it.  Now, one thing in T’s favor is that since he’s an Aspie and also knows Gus pretty well, he’d have a better insight into how to calm Gus if he got upset about something.  My concern would be pretty much the same as with any of the other teens I’ve considered hiring - attention and ability to control two rambunctious kids.  Also, T. doesn’t live very close, so having him babysit at night may be difficult.

On a completely unrelated note, someone forgot to give Gus the time-change memo.  He was up at 4, which was sort of 5, too early at any rate.  He’s back to the early rising and I’m thinking of trying melatonin to help with sleep, at least until we can get him into a pattern of sleeping a little later.

If you have any thoughts on either the babysitting issue or the melatonin, I’d love some input! Have a great Sunday!

To answer Gus’s question, he does apparently.

It wasn’t pouring, but it was that gross, misty, cold rain coming down when we got to the soccer field yesterday morning.  I was expecting for the coach to say they were canceling, but no such luck.  Shortened practice/game schedule.  Fortunately, the rain stopped, but it remained cold and damp.  Gus wasn’t fazed; for me it was just shy of torture.  A few degrees colder and I would have been huddled up somewhere trying not to cry.  Cold is bad.  Wet is bad.  Together…ugh.

The game was a little different.  Instead of splitting the more experienced players from the younger, less experienced ones, everyone played a game together.  Gus got a new mentor, a girl this week named C.  He had a great time following the ball from one end of the field to the other.  He wasn’t aggressive enough to get anywhere near handling the ball, though, except for one time toward the end of the game.  Then he sort of ran it in the wrong direction.  I think all the players on the field threw him for a loop; he often ran to the sidelines to get away from the crowd. No matter, it was a good time for him and that’s what counts.

Today we went for an early morning bike ride.  There probably won’t be many more of those in near future.  We may attempt some pumpkin carving this afternoon.

On the sleep front, I’ve added something new to the bedtime routine.  First, we have these mats, not exactly exercise mats because they’re thicker (just over an inch thick) and not slip resistant.  I came by these mats because my ex-boss was giving them back to the hospital after the yoga studio closed down and she knew that Gus liked sandwiching himself between them.  So she gave me a couple for him.    At night, after therapeutic brushing and joint compressions, I let him curl up in a ball, and then I roll him up in the mat like a big burrito, and roll him back & forth on the floor.  He loves it!  Deep pressure sensory input before bed seems to be working better than the brushing, which he is resisting, at this point.

So that’s our weekend.  Hope you are having a great one too!

Gus had his second soccer practice today.  The first thing I noticed was that the leaves are breathtaking in their full fall regalia this weekend!  I wanted to take pictures, but it wasn’t a good idea while I was driving, and after that, due to my MADD (mommy ADD) I promptly forgot.

We got to practice just in time, and Gus got his mentor for the week, a seventh grader named D.  It was interesting how the different mentors effected Gus’s playing.  Last time, T was more attentive, but not a particularly ‘bouncy individual.  Gus spent a lot of time walking as he dribbled.  This week, D was a little more distractible, but he was also more energetic and I noticed Gus running the ball more.  He got a few steals and scored (by my count) about 12 goals (he said 32, then 18, then 8 or 9).

He definitely looked more confident on the field and was having a good time.  So it’s been well worth it.

One other thing I noticed was that sitting for 90 minutes, your butt gets really cold.  The season goes into November - I’m scared.  I was freezing today, I think by next weekend I may have to wear some long johns to sit out there!

So I’ve learned that I have bronchitis , which explains a great deal, like why I couldn’t breathe yesterday.  However, lack of oxygen will not keep me from showing gratitude today!

1. I am thankful for my extended family for insisting that I go to the doctor today instead of tomorrow.  An extra day without antibiotics would not have been the best idea in the world.

2.  I am thankful that Gus has found a sport and a team that he can enjoy and feel accepted just as he is. Yet, I am also thankful that there isn’t a game this weekend because he really needs to recuperate from his illness this week.

3. I am thankful that the music and headphones strategy has so far been working nicely.  Did I mention that when he was home sick on Tuesday, he sat for several minutes writing a story without me having to check on him once?  I set him up, told him what he needed to do, and he did it independently while I helped MM with her homework.  That was an amazing thing.  And the story was pretty funny too!  I found a Halloween writing prompt online, just to give him something to do besides TV watching, and he wrote about a ghost who couldn’t spell ghost (he spelled is gost).  Totally stream of consciousness, totally funny.

Please share your gratitude in a comment and have a healthy week!

image from clkr.com

Yesterday, after an hour break from getting flu shots, Gus started on his first sports team.  We showed up early to meet the coach and get his Gus’s uniform.  I felt so bad for him wearing shorts when it was only about 40 degrees outside.  It warmed up quickly, thankfully.  His uniform is red with black shorts - he looked adorable and it was very evident how good he felt about himself.

The way this special needs program works is that older kids in the soccer club volunteer a Saturday to work with the special needs group, which includes individuals of all ages.  Each player gets a mentor to shadow him (or her) throughout the practice.  This was a relief because I was worried about how they’d keep Gus on the right field.

Gus’s mentor was named T. who proved to be a very nice and patient kid.  It was a sort of practice and game at the same time.  The more experienced special needs players go to one field where they (with their mentors) play an actual game.  The less experienced players go with the coach to learn specific skills interspersed with short game-like conditions.

The mentors were very impressive in their interactions with the team, and I saw a great deal of respect and patience at this practice from everyone involved, which really put me at ease.  We’ve had experiences when someone said they could work with an autistic child and they really had no clue.  But yesterday, even when one little boy kept taking his socks off (sensory defensiveness?) no one got ruffled.  I think we’ve found a good environment for Gus.  He wandered away from their field a few times and sat on the ball to rest a couple of times, but T. was great about gently getting him back on task.

Admittedly, I was a little skeptical about how Gus would do.  His ball skills have always been very weak, but he’s also very good on his feet, so I thought he had a good shot at picking up the game.  He did fantastic!  He was able to dribble the ball almost from the beginning and I noticed that they were teaching him a little bit about passing when the other team is in your way.  The coach taught him a little fake-out move and by the end of the practice, he was remembering half of it, more importantly, he was remembering to use it, even if it wasn’t mastered yet.  I’m glad he got on the field and stayed there the whole time.  It was a big success.

One thing that surprised me: he didn’t run as much as I expected.  At home he is constantly zipping through the house, but he was sort of strolling along with the ball.  He’s got a cold, so he may have just been feeling tired from that - we’ll have to wait and see.  I was also pleasantly surprised to see him score a few goals when they practiced goal kicking.

His strategy was funny.  There would be about 10 kids all trying to make goals past 3 goal keepers.  So he would wait until there was a bit of a jam, casually stroll around to the side of the net and then sort of ease the ball in when the keepers were occupied.  He’s always had that sneaky streak (he used to plot to run off as early as age 2) and I think it will serve him well here.

After the game, we went to buy cleats, a ball, and an extra pair of shin guards (of course I bought the wrong size, so I’ll be making a trip back next week).  The team will play until around November and then break until the spring.  So you can look forward to me being a soccer-mom at least until then!