My Autism Insights

Imagine you are heading to a friends’ new home for a housewarming (pretend it’s the days before Map-quest and Google-maps and GPS) and all the invitation says is to be a place XYZ.  How would you get there? You turn the envelope inside out, and there are no directions! Admit it, you’d be at least a little annoyed and might end up quite frustrated.  You might even just decide to mail a gift and not bother trying to find the place.  When you ask your friends about the lack of directions, they might say, “Oh, I figured you knew how to get here.”

If you’ve followed a route to a destination many times, it’s easy to forget that it’s not such an automatic process for everyone else.  This is a good analogy for how many parents give their autistic children (or even ADHD children) instructions.

I’ve been guilty of this as well.  I’ll often tell Gus, “get dressed,” and then 20 minutes later, he’ll still be in pajamas.  Once or twice he put his clothes on over pajamas.  It finally occurred to me that giving a child with auditory processing problems a multi-step instruction is probably not the most effective way to get things done.  I won’t even get into how badly “clean your room” usually works out.

Lately, I’ve tried a different approach - breaking down a general request into smaller component parts.  Instead of “get dressed,” I now start off with, “get dressed - pajamas off first…now put on your shirt…now put on your pants…great! close your pants…socks next…” His brain needs each step in the process, just like a computer program does.  Without the steps, the process can’t even get started, let alone completed.

Now, you might wonder if constantly reminding your child about these ’steps’ will make him or her less independent.  I think that, like many things, with enough repetition, these things will become automatic.  If you want to encourage more independence, you could try visual reminders in a sort of checklist format.  For example, in each of our bathrooms, we have steps for using the toilet (i.e. flush, pull up pants, wash hands) with pictures and words so that it was accessible for both kids. I’ll still ask if they’ve done each step after they come out of the bathroom, and I’ll get an exasperated, “yes, Mom,” but at least I know the checklists helped.  At some point in the next 30 years I’ll be able to stop asking.  In the meanwhile, I can shout a little less about things not getting done.