My Autism Insights

This will be a non-autism related post…sort of.  I’ve just spent the evening watching the first African-American president become elected.  And I feel hopeful.  I feel hopeful that my bi-racial children will now grow up among a different world view, that there is now an image of success at a whole different level than I’d ever imagined.  I feel hopeful that no matter what my son’s differences, it has been proven in a very visceral way for me that the sky is truly the limit for him, for my daughter, for generations to come.

I’m rambling a little because I’m, honestly, floored.   No matter what happens now, beyond political alliance or color of skin, the majority of the people of this nation have stood up and looked beyond difference toward our best hope to achieve the common good.

So in that way, maybe this is a post about autism, about succeeding regardless of difference.  Maybe it is a post about possibility, and vision, and hope.  Yes, we can.  I will look at my son with the renewed belief that yes, he can too.

We had a beautiful day for Gus’s soccer game yesterday and got a bit of a surprise.  A boy who he had been on the bus with two years ago was at the field watching his sister play.  The boy, T., was always a really sweet kid and so nice to Gus.  He’s in the 8th grade now and in “regular school,” which he was very proud to tell me.  It was great to see him!  T. sat at the sidelines with me watching the game, talking my ear off about any and everything, and volunteering to help out on the field if needed.  One of the players got a little tired out and lay down in the middle of the field.  T. was right there (he knew the girl) coaxing her back to her mom.  Really an awesome young man.

I’m having a bit of a dilemma.  T. does babysitting, and I will be needing one soon.  My biggest issue is that I have a general unease with leaving my kids with a) teenagers and b) males - any males (strictly my own issue and not indicative of any inherent inability of men to care for children) .  While my kids are generally good, especially for other people, you just never know when there will be an ‘issue’ and I always worry that one will crop up and the sitter won’t be able to handle it.  Now, one thing in T’s favor is that since he’s an Aspie and also knows Gus pretty well, he’d have a better insight into how to calm Gus if he got upset about something.  My concern would be pretty much the same as with any of the other teens I’ve considered hiring - attention and ability to control two rambunctious kids.  Also, T. doesn’t live very close, so having him babysit at night may be difficult.

On a completely unrelated note, someone forgot to give Gus the time-change memo.  He was up at 4, which was sort of 5, too early at any rate.  He’s back to the early rising and I’m thinking of trying melatonin to help with sleep, at least until we can get him into a pattern of sleeping a little later.

If you have any thoughts on either the babysitting issue or the melatonin, I’d love some input! Have a great Sunday!

So I’ve learned that I have bronchitis , which explains a great deal, like why I couldn’t breathe yesterday.  However, lack of oxygen will not keep me from showing gratitude today!

1. I am thankful for my extended family for insisting that I go to the doctor today instead of tomorrow.  An extra day without antibiotics would not have been the best idea in the world.

2.  I am thankful that Gus has found a sport and a team that he can enjoy and feel accepted just as he is. Yet, I am also thankful that there isn’t a game this weekend because he really needs to recuperate from his illness this week.

3. I am thankful that the music and headphones strategy has so far been working nicely.  Did I mention that when he was home sick on Tuesday, he sat for several minutes writing a story without me having to check on him once?  I set him up, told him what he needed to do, and he did it independently while I helped MM with her homework.  That was an amazing thing.  And the story was pretty funny too!  I found a Halloween writing prompt online, just to give him something to do besides TV watching, and he wrote about a ghost who couldn’t spell ghost (he spelled is gost).  Totally stream of consciousness, totally funny.

Please share your gratitude in a comment and have a healthy week!

  view from about a mile and a half into our bike ride

Occasionally I come up with a good idea.  The six mile family bike marathon today was one of them!  After some nasty storms yesterday and last night, we were treated to an absolutely magnificent day - warm but not so hot as to be draining.  We set out at eight and drove over an hour to the meeting point for the ride.  Once all the families (thankfully only about 4 or 5) were assembled, we formed a caravan and drove to the actual starting point of the ride.

We ended up bringing up the rear of the group, which I expected.  MM’s got little legs and Gus still struggles with a little weakness.  But it really didn’t matter - if there was a day for taking time and meandering along the breathtaking path, today was it!  MM wanted to speed ahead, so I rode with her for the first half of the ride.  Every know and then I peeked over my shoulder and could see Gus and my husband far behind us, but still rolling along.  One of the staff was nice enough to bring up the rear with them, and one of the organizers doubled back to check on us a few times.

MM actually stopped just short of the turning point, but Gus wanted to go all the way.  What he lacked in speed, he made up for in stamina.  He did the full six miles!  Go Gus!  MM did about 5.5 miles - still excellent for a five year old!  Then we headed back.

I rode with Gus on the way back because he was tired and was starting to lose focus.  He also was fascinated by the water and kept going way too close to the guard rail.  He tried to climb over a couple of times.  The staffer, S., was very helpful and supportive - nice to know there are some understanding and just basically kind people in the world.  It was slower going, but he kept plugging along.

MM was a little cranky because she was hungry and tired (I’M NOT TIRED!!) so we switched off again, and I rode with her almost to the finish, using the promise of any snacks she wanted as motivation.  By then the organizer had finished and come back for us again - the assistance and support were very welcome.  What nice people we met today, I tell ya!

So now, my kids can both say they completed their first (and for MM probably her last) kids’ marathon.  I’m really proud of them both, especially considering they haven’t been riding very long or very much.  I could not have bought a better day.

The Hollywood Reporter told that Clare Danes will star in the HBO special, set to start filming around October, about the life of Temple Grandin, one of the country’s leading speakers about autism. The film, which has taken close to a decade to get the green-light, will be directed by Mick Jackson.

Temple Grandin is autistic and also a top scientist in the field of handling livestock humanely. She’s the author of several books to educate on the topic of autism including Thinking in Pictures, Emergence: Labeled Autistic, and most recently Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships co-authored with Sean Barron.

Danes will portray the young Dr. Grandin up through her graduate studies.

image from Boston Globe

As usual, I’m a little slow on the uptake, but I learned today that Michael Phelps has ADHD. Now granted, Gus has a diagnosis of Asperger’s with borderline ADHD, so it’s a different situation for him, but I can’t help but think that if he just had something he was that passionate about as Phelps is about swimming (and winning!), Gus might just be motivated enough to really excel. So we just keep exposing him to different things, something will click.

Something interesting that I noted, Phelps was on ADHD medication until around Middle school, when he asked his mom to stop taking it. This tells me two things: that kids can eventually get off the meds (if they take them) and that it’s possible for someone with ADHD to succeed without them. As the new school year approaches, the question of medication is creeping to the back of my mind again.

At any rate, I think it’s just one more reason why Phelps is impressive to me - he’s given me another thing to be hopeful about.

It’s that time again, and I have some thankfulness, but I’ve also learned some interesting things today.

First, I am thankful that our trip to the water park today went well, and both kids were amazing. There was not a single meltdown, they waited on lines beautifully, and I have to say I’ve got two of the bravest kids I know. That in itself is something to be grateful for.

But here are a few things I’ve learned today:

1. Gus is getting to a point where I can let him go, just a little, and he’ll be okay. I can’t say how terrifying it was to let him go down the huge water slides on his own, but after he went down with someone once or twice, he wanted to try it solo. So we let him. His response: “That was AWESOME!!”

2. Gus has made amazing progress. I remember a time when he couldn’t wait for 10 seconds let alone stand on a long water park ride. He started to bolt a couple of times, excited to get back on line for the slides again, but for the most part he followed the rules we laid down (ahead of time of course) and he stayed with us.

3. I can push myself much further than I give myself credit for when I have to. I hate cold water, but when Gus wanted to go in the Lazy River, I got right in. When he went into the deep part of the very crowded wave pool, which was FREEZING, I was right there with him. I hated it, but I did it anyway because his safety was more important than my discomfort. I’ve often wondered in the back of my mind if my kids got in trouble in the water if I’d be able to handle the cold enough to get to them in time. I guess I can. I even got on the big water slides. Scary, but fun.

So that’s my deal for today. What have you learned about yourself from your children?

Because of certain influences (which I will blog about at a later date) my husband and I decided that it was time that the children could handle some household responsibilities beyond just straightening up their rooms every night before bed. So last week they were given ‘jobs.’ Gus’s job is to sweep out the bathrooms.

How did we come up with that? Well, he’s always taking the broom to play with, so it seemed a good way to give him something productive to do with it.

I typed up a step-by-step list of instructions for his task, from getting the broom and dust pan to putting the things back where they belong. The first week (last week) I walked him through the process and showed him the most effective way to sweep (pulling the broom instead of pushing). This week, I stayed close by, but he did most of it by himself. This is a big win! But it gets better!

After doing the upstairs bathroom, he wanted to do the downstairs bathroom. Then he wanted to help me fold laundry, which I showed him how to do. Then he wanted to help put away the laundry. He even asked to help make a loaf of bread.

So what this tells me is that a) he was totally capable of handling the responsibility and b) he felt empowered by being allowed to help out and c) he has found some new things that he can be successful at. It may not be a big deal to most people, but for someone who struggles so much at every turn, it’s pretty amazing.

So don’t be afraid to entrust your child with Asperger’s or autism with some household responsibility. Having something that they can do and contributing to their world can be a great thing.

 image from wpclipart

In the UK it was announced that the Chairman of the National Association of Karate and Martial Arts is a person with Asperger’s.  In addition to this news, the association is rolling out a nationwide program to educate and train martial arts coaches about Asperger’s.  The program should move forward next year.

It would be wonderful if there were such an initiative in the U.S.  We tried Gus at two different Tae Kwon Do schools.  The staff at the first school seemed like they might be able to work with him - lots of patience - but the schedule and distance were just prohibitive, not to mention the contract they wanted us to sign.  The second school was closer, more affordable and had a schedule we could meet.  After the first class, they threatened to kick him out.  We never even finished the trial session.

There’s another school that we may consider in the fall if finances permit.  I’ve heard many testimonials about how the martial arts are beneficial for people on the autism spectrum.

After dinner we decided to take the kids out for a while.  We almost never go out after dinner because it’s shower/bath/clean-up/bed time.  But they were a little wired, so we figured a little exercise wouldn’t hurt.  I had the idea to see if Gus wanted to try riding his sister’s two-wheeler – I had taken the training wheels off her old 12 inch to let her try riding without them, but she’s not quite ready.  He got on, and I’ll be damned if he wasn’t riding around our little parking lot on his own by the third try!!  Gus is made of awesome!

Once we did some riding (and much celebrating) down the street, we went and got his bike, took off his training wheels, and we were off!  Wow, can that kid fly!  He’s a little shaky getting himself started, but another day will solve that!  He’s a natural!

I’m so proud of him, not just for being able to do it, but for even trying.  And to see the grin on his face because he succeeded at something – absolutely priceless.  Gus, for the win!!

I learned of some great tips for teaching kids to ride from a discussion at AutismVox.  The site with the instructions is Asperger Support in the UK.