My Autism Insights

It’s great to be in sync with service providers without even knowing it.  Apparently Gus’s Occupational Therapist (OT) has been teaching him to tie his shoes.  For a child with a short attention span and trouble with fine motor skills and coordination, this can be a difficult life skill to learn (tying in general, not just shoes).  Gus had said a while back that he would learn to tie them by the time he turns eight.  Well, that’s coming up pretty quickly, and he might just do it!

I know there are a few strategies used to teach kids to tie shoes .  We’re using the single loop method.  We tried bunny ears, but that just didn’t work for some reason.  Some people use elaborate stories, but ours isn’t too complex.  He sings She’ll Be Comin’ Around the Mountain while he’s tying, which is a double edged sword - he gets the gist of the story, but he also loses focus because of the singing.

1. “She” is on a train coming around the mountain.  So we need to make the train tracks.  Make an X with the laces.
2. The train goes through the first tunnel. Take the tail of one lace, through the tunnel and then pull them apart.
3. Make a mountain.  With the dominant hand, make a single loop and hold in place.  (I find that Gus sometimes forgets to hold onto the loop.)
4. Now the train goes around the mountain and through another tunnel.  Take the straight lace around the loop, and then push from the middle through the second tunnel.  Pull the loops apart.

It’s not a foolproof method, but he’s getting it.  Because he tends to learn well with a musical component (musical intelligence) the song does it for him, but use whatever works for your child.

Has your child learned to tie shoes?  If so, what method worked for you?

I noticed a couple of new things about using music to help Gus focus when he’s doing his homework.  Typically, we use headphones and some sort of quiet, relaxation music while he’s working to help block out distractions. Monday we tried something different.

He hasn’t been using his headphones consistently, but I offered them to him Monday, and he accepted.  I showed him again how to work his MP3, and as I was scrolling through the albums to get to the one he usually likes, he stopped me.  He wanted to listen to Earth, Wind and Fire.  I wasn’t really surprised, but a little skeptical that he’d be able to work with disco pumping into his ears.  I decided to give it a try - he should be allowed to choose what he listens to - but I made the stipulation that if he didn’t pay attention to his work, we were going back to softer stuff.

Homework was completed in record time with minimal redirection or intervention from me.  Wow.

Yesterday I tried an experiment.  Instead of the headphones, I let him have his Earth, Wind and Fire playing from the computer, out loud.  What a disaster!  He didn’t even stay in his seat half the time.

So, apparently, headphones make a big difference, but so does the ability to choose what music is playing.  It stands to reason.  Adults don’t listen to the same thing all the time; we listen to what we’re in the mood for.  And for as much as Gus needs certain routines to remain fixed, the strategies that tend to work, particularly to help with his lack of focus, on any given day are always changing.  A true enigma, that one.  I’m curious to see what he’ll choose today: the Beatles or Mozart or maybe Weird Al?

  image by Designed to a T

I usually like to reflect on how our lives have developed over the past year.  Gus has had a very up and down year, but I think has come out ahead for it all.  Some of 2008’s highlights:

• Tried several dietary adjustments with no significant or sustained difference in Gus’s ability to focus or self-regulate in school.  But he is healthy which is always a plus.
• Tried medication, which in my opinion was a disaster.  It took my lively and brilliant little boy and crossed the roboticness of a Dr. Who Cyberman with the grumpiness of a Dalek.  I don’t see another medication trial in the near future unless there is some extenuating circumstance.
• Gus learned some new self-care skills this year: he can now put on shoes (with Velcro), dress with minimal prompting in the morning, and can put on fingered gloves independently.
• Gus learned to ride a two-wheeler AND within a month of learning completed a six-mile bike tour - a huge accomplishment for any seven year old.
• He joined a soccer team and really enjoys the game.

Those are just a few of the more momentous events of this past year.  Gus has expressed a desire to “behave better in school” in the coming year.  In addition, we plan to try to get him some more opportunities to socialize, possibly in a singing class or a special-needs bowling league.  In the spring, we should be able to start doing some bike riding together and we’re going to join a cycling club as a family.  That will open some opportunities for more of those long, scenic rides that are so calming for him, and may also allow him the chance to make a friend if that’s his wish.

One of the reasons I’m becoming attuned as a Kundalini Reiki practitioner is so that I can start using Reiki energy to help Gus to stay calm and focused.  If it has the benefit I’m confident it will, I’ll eventually teach him to channel Reiki energy himself.

In terms of the autism community at large, I’ll continue to share my lessons and experiences through this blog for as long as I am given a platform.  In the near future, a fellow blogger and author, Adonya Wong , will be guesting here on her virtual book tour.  She’s written a wonderful picture book entitled In My Mind and will discuss the book and her experiences with her son’s autism.  Adonya’s visit promises to spark some great discussion, and there will be a sweet giveaway as well.  Stay tuned!

So those are a few of our intentions for the coming year.  What progress have you seen this past year, and what are your plans for the days ahead?

To all my readers, new and old: Have a happy and safe New Year!

Hope you all enjoyed/are enjoying your holidays!  We spent Christmas day visiting family.  Although it was a long day involving a good bit of travel, it was lower-key than usual, which was a good thing.  The last leg of our journey was to my husband’s aunt’s house.

They have a collection of singing plushies: singing Christmas trees, snowmen and penguins, dancing Santas…the works.  There was even a tree that danced and walked toward you.  Gus is always fascinated by them.  He especially enjoys making them all sing at the same time!  So apparently, his noise sensitivity does not extend to lots of different toys singing different songs all at once!  But when his sister cries it’s like the end of the world as we know it.  As irritating as all the mixed songs were to me, the unabashed bliss on his face eventually made me keep my mouth shut and just let him have his fun.

Always interesting to note all the little nuances of Gus’s Asperger’s and Sensory Integration Disorder.

Did you notice anything new or interesting over this holiday?

image by Erik Drooker

This time of year, with snowstorms and vacations and being cooped up together, kids are bound to get under each other’s skin.  Gus and MM are no different.  We’ve been home together since last Friday and I’ve lost count already of all the petty arguments that are so inane and incoherent I can’t even tell what they’re about.  Last night was yet another of those lovely shouting matches, this one brought on by MM playing some repetitive made up game (loudly) and Gus being tired and belligerent.

Usually, I’d just separate them and get Gus to bed as quickly as possible because I know exactly what is bothering him - the constant sound of MM’s high pitched talking/singing.  But last night - it must have been the extra dose of St. John’s Wort - I was calm enough to push Gus a little further.

I separated them as usual, but then I went to Gus, sat him down (once he stopped tossing around insults about his sister being a ’shampoo mouth’ and a ‘pine toe’) and asked him what was upsetting him.  I got the typical, irrelevant, incoherent, off-topic response.  I persisted and insisted that he stop the jabbering because he is better than that.  He thought for a moment and, with some help, explained that he wanted her to play a different game and that he wanted quiet.  This was a HUGE step for him.  We were even able to talk a little about a better way he could have handled the situation - asking nicely that she play a different game.

Since the situation had 2 sides, I then talked with MM and reminded her that her brother often gets upset when he’s tired and that at night he needs a little more quiet.  We spoke about having consideration for people at different times of the day - early morning and evening when they are likely to want to sleep.  Then we discussed how she could have handled the situation differently: play a quieter game or close the door to her room.

Unprompted, they apologized to each other before bed and everyone is friendly again.  So it just goes to show me that I can’t always fall back on what I know Gus is trying to communicate, sometimes I have to push him a step further and make him use the pragmatic language skills that has developed.  It was a good lesson.

Everyone, have a wonderful holiday whatever you celebrate, and if you don’t celebrate anything, just have a great week!  I may or may not post over the next couple of days.  If I don’t, I’m still sending good wishes!  Thanks so much for  visiting and/or following!

As I watched Gus diving on top of the other two kids in the snow tube, I reflected on how far he’s come in the past few years in terms of handling the snow.  It’s always been an interesting paradox: he hates things that are wet, especially clothing, but he loves the snow.  There was a time when he would refuse to keep gloves on, but his hands would freeze.  Snow days used to be fun, but tough.

I’ve learned to bundle him up enough so that he stays dry, and I don’t skimp on the winter gear.  Lands End is my favorite for winter wear, especially their snow boots.  Being that I also have trouble with being cold and/or wet, I can personally attest that we have never had a problem with any of their products.

Aside from waterproof boots and gloves, a few minor things have made snow play a little easier:

• hats with ear flaps and hooded jackets
• jacket that comes just below the hips
• neck gaiters instead of a scarf - they don’t come undone, they’re soft, and they aren’t bulky
• snow bibs instead of just pants, and the ones that have gaiters to go inside snow boots

I also make sure that Gus puts his mittens on before his jacket.  That way we extend the amount of time it takes for snow to start getting inside them.  Once the snow gets in, we’re pretty much done.  And, while all these things seem fairly obvious, it took me years of drama to figure them out, especially since I wasn’t much into snow growing up.  I wouldn’t be now if it wasn’t for my kids.

We had a pretty good time today, and when they came in, Gus was almost completely dry, except for the edges of his shirt sleeves (snow got in the mittens eventually).  MM was another story, but she all but buried herself in the snow, loving every second of it.  She was relatively dry all things considered.

When we came in, the kids both wanted something hot.  Of course, Gus hates hot cocoa or tea.  But today he asked for hot cocoa (big shocker) so I obliged.  Now, I almost never give him chocolate, but we found a hot cocoa without caffeine called Hershey’s Goodnight Kisses, which I bought for the express purpose of letting him try it.  He did and still hates hot cocoa.  So we settled for hot apple juice and called it a day.

The snow is still falling, and I expect it will for the rest of the night.  Tomorrow, we’ll probably try snow-tubing down one of the big hills, and maybe we’ll even get to build a snow man.  I’m sure Gus will treat us to a song - he’s been big on the Christmas carols for a few days now.  Funny how a foot of snow can really make things fall into place during this season - even for those of us who have sensory issues with the cold, wet stuff.

Amazing how I’ve been up since 4:30, got up at 5 to make this post, and it’s almost 6 and I’m just starting.  I blame my new toy, Twitter.  Anyway, on to thankfulness:

I am thankful that Gus got dressed this morning without me having to ask more than three times.  No fuss, no drama - that’s the way I like to start the day!  Of course, now he’s pretending to be a rock star, Reggie Rockout, complete with green shades, blue striped hat, my clogs and acoustic guitar (he’s in disguise).  His first song will be entitled Rock it Out, and the first album will be The Best Rock Tunes Ever!  I may have to get some t-shirts and hats printed.  Is it possible I can get him out of his disguise before school time?  Can I at least get my shoes back?

I am thankful that my kids love music so much.  Even if one of them doesn’t have the most melodic voice in the world, she makes up for it with enthusiasm and incredible creativity.  Some of MM’s lyrics are pretty cool!  So at any given time, one of them is always bursting into song as long as they think no one is paying attention.  Yesterday, Gus’s song was What a Day for a Daydream. There’s a voice and acting school somewhere nearby, I think.  If things pick up economically, I may just sign these guys up.

Finally, I am thankful that I have an extremely patient husband because I think the vegetarian experiment is really wearing on him.  I won’t even discuss last night’s meal right now except to say that I did cave in and we had salmon.   It was maybe a step above the veggie meat(less) loaf.

Oh, and one of the reasons I joined Twitter was to take part in Autism Twitter Day on Tuesday, December 16th organized by Bonnie Sayer of Autism Family Adventures .  So if you’re on Twitter and connected to the autism community in some way, check it out!  And thank you, Bonnie, for such a great idea!!

Comment with your gratitude, please!

Once upon a time there was a woman named Mrs. Practical, and she had a friend named Stereo.  Stereo had always been a reliable and loyal friend, and so even though he grew old and obsolete (he even still had exposed speaker wires that had to be hooked up and a cassette player) she could never part with him.  He had been with her since she had her first home, and had survived two cats and three moves.  Mr. Married-To-Practical had often wondered why she kept him, but she just answered, “He may come in handy one day.”

Mrs. Practical eventually had a baby boy, named The Boy, who soon came to be nicknamed Destructo.  He was a sweet child, but had the uncanny power to destroy anything he touched, usually with little or no harm to himself.  He was like a living Tasmanian Devil, just without the ink or dust clouds.  At the age of two, The Boy maimed another friend of Mrs. Practical’s: Thirty-Six-Inch Television.  That was when he earned the name Destructo.

As Destructo grew, and the furnishings became shabbier and shabbier, his parents decided to give him a small radio – he loved music.  Destructo did rather well, and the radio lasted over a year, unlike the $80 globe that did not even make the year mark and is not permanently silenced.  Unfortunately, the radio was dropped one time too many and the CD reading mechanism joined countless other items in the black hole of their home.

Mrs. Practical debated.  Music was almost a necessity in The Boy’s life because of his noise sensitivity, but simply buying another radio for him would send a terrible message that he didn’t have to work to take better care of his things.  It was a terrible, hand-wringing dilemma.  Finally, she searched in the cupboard beneath the stairs (which is a perfectly acceptable home for anything that is not an eleven-year-old wizard) and found her old friend, Stereo.  They had a chat.  “Will you do it, old friend?  It will be dangerous.”  But he was a brave stereo, and he agreed to come out of his peaceful resting place to live in The Boy’s room.

All was well for over a month.

But then, at five a.m. one rainy morning, Mrs. Practical heard a crash coming from The Boy’s room.  Mr. Married-To-Practical rushed in.  The Boy was fine, but – Oh no! – Stereo lay in pieces on the ground!  Of course it was an accident; it was nearly always an accident.  But what to do for poor stereo?

Mrs. Practical knew Stereo better than anyone, and with deft fingers she patiently put him back together.  She tested his speakers and breathed a sigh of relief when everything was working.  But when she went to plug The Boy’s headphones back in, she saw with a sad heart that the headphone jack was gone.  They searched high and low – it was nowhere to be found.  Mrs. Practical wrapped up all Stereo’s wires and gently carried him back to her room, otherwise known as Cuba (because the children were not allowed to go in there alone without express, written permission in quadruplicate), where he is currently recovering peacefully.

She is now faced with the same dilemma she had before, and to this day, Mrs. Practical does not know what she is going to do.

Sleeping Beauty by Sir Edward Burne-Jones

We took the kids to see a community theater production of Sleeping Beauty.  I was nervous about going, especially after our fifteen minutes of Wall-E.  Things turned out much better than expected.

The show was a musical, which was a BIG plus because Gus loves music.  It was also the earlier of the two shows, so it wasn’t very crowded.  Win!  We got seats near the back right on the aisle (just in case we had to leave).

We had a discussion about the ‘play rules’ on the way over, and we made sure everyone had lunch so there wouldn’t be any hunger meltdowns.  There was about a fifteen minute wait after we got to the auditorium, but he was excited and in a good enough mood that he handled himself well.  The show itself was great, notably the role of the Prince.  Once the lights went down Gus was mesmerized and wasn’t even disturbed by the fact that there was no intermission.  He actually sat through the show better than MM, who started bouncing in her seat about halfway through the show.  She was funny - at one point during a set change, she said, “Can we just get on with the show?  Enough commercials already!”

We were worried that Gus would be yelling out comments, but he was amazingly good about keeping his voice down.

After the show, the actors hung out in the hall and signed autographs as their characters.  MM got a few, but then Gus decided he wanted one too.  He’d been reading the actors’ bios and decided on one.  So we went up to ‘the Prince,’ a very kind fourteen year old, and Gus asked for an autograph.  Then he proceeded to tell the boy his (the Prince’s) name, and what grade he was in.  Prince was a little weirded out until I explained that Gus had just read his bio on the wall.  I think he thought he had a seven year old stalker.

All in all, a great day out for the family.  I’m sure that the advance prep work made all the difference.  That and I think we were due for a little luck as well.

There were so many supportive and helpful comments to my post yesterday , I felt they deserved a post to say Thank You!!  It always amazes me that there are just so many awesome people who read and comment on my little corner of the Internet - it really boggles the mind some days.

We’ve tossed around some of your suggestions, and obviously this will be a process of trial and error as he grows and develops social skills.  We thought about Scouts, but without one of us to be at the meetings & activities with him, aside from the fact that I don’t see how Gus would even keep up, I’m not convinced that he wouldn’t bolt at the first chance, especially if the local troop is a big one. A friend suggested that maybe they’d have someone who could act as a shadow/mentor, but before I trust my son’s well being to anyone, obviously I’d have to know them extremely well.  And even then, the trust is tenuous at best.  I can’t say I’m the most forgiving person when it comes to some things.

As for sports, I think there may be a couple of indoor soccer games over the winter, but in the meantime, I’m looking into a special needs bowling league.  He might like that.  And I’m going to see if he can hang out, maybe over the holidays, with one of the boys from his class who I think doesn’t live too far.

He loves to sing, so I’m thinking maybe a voice class or chorus might be an option also.

At any rate, I will certainly take all your suggestions and input into consideration, and again, I really appreciate the great response to my question!!

Have a great Saturday night!