My Autism Insights

image by Erik Drooker

This time of year, with snowstorms and vacations and being cooped up together, kids are bound to get under each other’s skin.  Gus and MM are no different.  We’ve been home together since last Friday and I’ve lost count already of all the petty arguments that are so inane and incoherent I can’t even tell what they’re about.  Last night was yet another of those lovely shouting matches, this one brought on by MM playing some repetitive made up game (loudly) and Gus being tired and belligerent.

Usually, I’d just separate them and get Gus to bed as quickly as possible because I know exactly what is bothering him - the constant sound of MM’s high pitched talking/singing.  But last night - it must have been the extra dose of St. John’s Wort - I was calm enough to push Gus a little further.

I separated them as usual, but then I went to Gus, sat him down (once he stopped tossing around insults about his sister being a ’shampoo mouth’ and a ‘pine toe’) and asked him what was upsetting him.  I got the typical, irrelevant, incoherent, off-topic response.  I persisted and insisted that he stop the jabbering because he is better than that.  He thought for a moment and, with some help, explained that he wanted her to play a different game and that he wanted quiet.  This was a HUGE step for him.  We were even able to talk a little about a better way he could have handled the situation - asking nicely that she play a different game.

Since the situation had 2 sides, I then talked with MM and reminded her that her brother often gets upset when he’s tired and that at night he needs a little more quiet.  We spoke about having consideration for people at different times of the day - early morning and evening when they are likely to want to sleep.  Then we discussed how she could have handled the situation differently: play a quieter game or close the door to her room.

Unprompted, they apologized to each other before bed and everyone is friendly again.  So it just goes to show me that I can’t always fall back on what I know Gus is trying to communicate, sometimes I have to push him a step further and make him use the pragmatic language skills that has developed.  It was a good lesson.

Everyone, have a wonderful holiday whatever you celebrate, and if you don’t celebrate anything, just have a great week!  I may or may not post over the next couple of days.  If I don’t, I’m still sending good wishes!  Thanks so much for  visiting and/or following!

Manic Monday by Mo

In which Gus learns some new colorful language…

Last week I mentioned somewhere (I think) that Gus had called me a freak because he didn’t like something I was telling him.  I told him that it wasn’t a nice word and that he wasn’t allowed to call anyone that.  I thought that was the end of that because I didn’t hear it again.

Until this morning.  Gus and MM were doing a puzzle of the United States, a nice colorful one with all the state capitals on it (we’re perseverating on capitals these days).  They got into an argument and Gus let loose the F-word.  “Freak.”  He whispered it so that only she could hear him because he is too smart for his own good sometimes.

Of course she starts crying and yelling; her honor has been impugned, dangit!

I asked him, “Do you even know what that word means?”  And he looked at me - I notice when he is really interested in something, like a new definition, he’ll make eye contact if for only an instant.

“No!  What does it mean?”  The boy was practically quaking with excitement.

So we explained in terms that a 5 year old could understand, and then I asked him if he would like it if someone called him a freak?  I’d lost his interest by then and got the perfunctory negative response.  And MM got the perfunctory apology.

This is a typical problem with pragmatic or social speech deficits.  You can take a kid with a huge vocabulary and ability to retain information, but he won’t necessarily understand the nuances or the impact of those words, when it’s appropriate to use language in different situations, or that people may react differently to the same phrase.  What he said to me that just earned him a verbal correction greatly upset and hurt his little sister.  So it’s an interesting task to try to teach him about not saying hurtful things.  I don’t even want to think how nuts it will get when the words get even more colorful as he ages and is exposed to more advanced children.