My Autism Insights

Manic Monday prompt by Mo

This weekend we met up with my sister’s family to celebrate her birthday at a new Japanese hibachi restaurant nearby.   Gus has had a sort of love/hate relationship with Japanese hibachis: when he was very young, they were no problem, at around 2 they traumatized him, and now he loves them again.  It was a great time, especially since he spontaneously decided he wanted to try sushi!  Fortunately for him, my nephew eats it and ordered some so Gus could try it.

He shoved a piece of raw white fish (it was either squid or halibut) in his mouth, and with a full maw exclaimed, “I wike it!”  The salmon didn’t get as positive a reception.  I was so impressed he actually ate it without spitting it out, that I didn’t bother to remind him not to talk with his mouth full.  We had a great time and he must have eaten his body weight in food. MM tried some new things too: edamame (soy beans), soup, and fried rice.  It was a win all around!

Which gives me a nice segue into the Lemonade Award I received from 2 bloggers: Caregiving Daughter and More Than a Number.  So, I’d like to thank them for the recognition and will pass the honor on to a couple of bloggers who exhibit a positive attitude:

Healing…Through the Eyes of Autism

Autism SucksRocks

Spectrum Siblings

Have a great day, everyone & try to keep it positive!

It’s been a long and trying week, but not so much that I can’t keep things in perspective!

Today I am thankful for:

1. The support of other parents who recognize the importance of providing discipline and structure to their children.  It can be challenging enough to not be a doormat for your kids some days, but it is that much harder when other people are, passively or actively, thwarting your efforts.  Loving your child does not mean letting him or her run roughshod all over you, and quite frankly, it doesn’t help the kid one bit.  No one else in the real world will put up with it.
2. I am thankful for my Reiki practice.  Although I haven’t done as much as I want to with it, I’ve suck with meditation and balancing practices.  I see a huge difference, especially in my responses to situations that in the past would have made me want to tear my hair out.  Good stuff, that Reiki!
3. I am thankful for Girl Scout Cookies - not the selling part, but just the general yumminess of them. Isn’t everyone?  They rock!

Your thankfulness below, please, and have an awesome day!

image and prompt from Mo of Manic Monday

There are many things I waffle about: what to eat at any given time; which job I want to focus on first; whether or not I want to stay up to watch television after work or just go to sleep like a smart girl.  It’s safe to say that I waffle about almost everything.  Almost.  I can’t say that I’ve ever waffled about feeling a deep gratitude for both of my kids.

I was doing some research this morning and came across a question on Yahoo Answers. A woman was incensed because she was getting calls from her son’s guidance counselor. Why?  Because she’d told him that she wished she’d never had him.  (There was no indication of him having special needs by the way.)  Now, I won’t crucify her here (many of the people who responded to her question already did that), and I can’t say that I’ve ever encountered anyone who would ever say that to their child. But after reading all the responses ripping into this woman, I had to wonder: have these people never had such a thought, at least in the heat of anger or when wallowing? Not saying it’s a good thought to have, and not saying I’ve personally had the thought, but it seems to me that even the best, most loving parent should be forgiven a moment of human frailty - at least if they keep it to themselves?  Even if not about my kids, I’ve had a thought or two that were pretty grimy.

At any rate, I doubt the woman really meant it what she said, and she probably (somewhere deep down) felt badly about saying it.  But a better thing to consider would be if any of us can honestly throw stones.  Something else for me to waffle over.  What do you think?

Right now I’m thankful that we all got through the morning with no tears.  We came close!

Otherwise, today I am thankful for:

Having a night off from any obligations.  As grateful as I am to have my job, it’s also been a tiring week, and I’m happy for the rest.  Gus had a rough day yesterday and a difficult morning, which was a bit draining for me as well.  Heaven would be to get to sleep before 10:30.

PARP - Parents as Reading Partners.  This year both kids were involved in this reading program at concurrent times.  It’s been lots of fun, and we’ve really enjoyed going through several chapter books together.  Gus’s pick has been the Magic Treehouse series by Mary Pope Osborne.  Historical/fantasy, extremely well researched and loads of fun.  She even wrote reference books for some of the later works in the series.  Another series he loves is Time Spies series by Candice Ransom, again these are incredibly well done historical fantasy, which seems to be the genre of choice lately.  (I’ve even learned quite a bit from both series.) We’re going to try Encyclopedia Brown when we’re done with these.  Both kids also enjoy the Junie B. Jones books by Barbara Park, which are hilarious, and even though the character, Junie B., is probably not the best model of socially appropriate behavior for Gus, he seems able to recognize her lapses in social skills, so they are helpful in that way.

Finally, I’m thankful for all my visitors, readers, EC droppers, commenters, Twitter followers and pretty much everyone who has supported this blog!  I don’t always reply to comments because the interface is clunky and annoying, but I just wanted to throw out a big THANK YOU!  Your presence and support is much appreciated!

And now, please share your gratitude as well!  Have a great Thursday!

It seems there have been quite a few things to be thankful about this week, but I’ll stick to my usual 3:

1. I am thankful for the amazing weather we’ve had.  It’s been like springtime and I can see the difference in mood and energy level for all of us.  The fact that he just caught a cold will not dampen my glee and having a whole week of not having to wear 20 layers inside the house.

2. I am thankful that Gus received a People Respecting Others award at his quarterly assembly yesterday.  I thought it was an academic award, but I really like the fact that he got a reward for something more related to social skills.  It’s an awesome positive reinforcer.

3. I am thankful for the great conversation I had with the teacher of the class our district has been trying to get me to agree to send Gus to.  I’ll be visiting the class next week even though I doubt I’ll want him to move.  But I’m going in with an open mind.

I am also thankful that giving up sugar hasn’t killed me in the…one day I’ve been off it, but that’s a story for another blog!  Please share your gratitude below and have a great weekend!

I very nearly missed that it was Thursday; I was somehow running a day behind!  Anyway today’s gratitude:

I am thankful that whatever virus or germy thing is attacking my body, it’s being held at bay and hasn’t knocked me out completely.  It would probably be wise to get to a doctor since I’ve probably jinxed myself by writing that.

I am thankful that Sesame Street has never wavered in its quality or entertainment value.  Gus and MM are watching now - Pre School Musical - and I don’t feel the need to beat my head against the wall (unlike when I watch Blues Clues).  Sesame Street rocks.

I am thankful that today is only a school delay day and not a full snow day.  Gus really needs to go to school and get some of his energy channeled into something more productive than building structures out of furniture or testing the recliner to see just how much force it can stand before snapping.  I think he has a possible career in quality control.  Or demolition.  Or comedy.  Or gymnastics.  Good to know he’s got options.

Must run now - I totally did jinx myself.

Please share your thankfulness in the comment section and have a great day.

Today I am particularly thankful.  It’s a frosty 12 degrees with a windchill of -6.  I despise the cold above all other things, so why am I so grateful today?

1. For starters, the cold and light snow we got last night meant a 2 hour school delay this morning.  Usually, that would make me groan, but not today!  Delay meant that  a) I had to cancel my client and b)  no bus stop.  Both of which translate to me not having to be out in the cold.  I did have to clean & move my car, but it was a small price to pay in order to be able to stay home near a blazing fire.

2. I am thankful that our pellet stove is (knock on wood) in good working order today!  It’s a pain to have to clean every morning, but it is rather toasty in here, and for only the same cost as it would be to run a fan.  Gus loves it too, and he’s gotten pretty good about being near it for warmth without being unsafe.

3. On a more serious note, I am thankful that Gus has never been in a situation where anyone’s felt the need to physically restrain him.  I came across the story of  8 year old Evelyn Towry yesterday, and it tied my stomach in knots for the rest of the night.  There is something seriously wrong when a group of adults can’t think of any other means of handling a situation with a child that young - a child with known disabilities - that don’t involve physically restraining the child.  Clearly the school is in need of some education.  Best wishes to Evelyn and her family.

Chime in and share what you’re thankful for today.

image from MacawRescue.org

The universe has a sense of humor and sends us reminders in some odd ways.  This morning I came across some baby macaw parrots in my travels. The babies are about the strangest looking birds I’ve ever seen.  They were gawky and falling all over themselves, a bit pitiful, actually.  I had no idea what they were at first glance, I actually thought they were turkeys.

It occurred to me that some people may look at Gus that way: odd.

As I watched the little 3-week-old creatures, they grew on me.  They were actually cute and even just in the short time I was watching them, they had distinct personalities.  One was pretty smart and kept out of the way of the other two who seemed to be wrestling.  It was fascinating.  And the best part - this is what they become:

image from Wikimedia Commons

If the macaw parrot can transform into such a beautiful and graceful creature, I have no need to worry about Gus.  He’s already beautiful and he’ll grow into himself eventually.  He’s already starting at an advantage - he’s way cuter than those little guys were!

“I wish it wasn’t raining so we could take the kids outside.”

“Well…it is raining.”

How often does wishing for things that simply are not part of reality make us feel worse about our situation?  How often are we not being truthful about what our reality is?  For example, my husband’s statement about being able to take the kids out just made him feel worse about the fact that we were stuck indoors today; wishing that it wasn’t raining, sleeting in fact, wasn’t going to change the fact that it was too nasty to go out, so why bemoan it?  And he wasn’t being completely truthful: He wanted it to stop raining because he was bored, and he wanted to go outside.

What does this have to do with autism?  It occurs to me that at one time I argued with reality.  I worried and angsted and wished for some way to ‘fix’ Gus’s issues, and what was worse, I had these thoughts (or so I told myself) because I wanted him to have a better life.  Except he wasn’t the one complaining.  I think at that time, I wanted me to have an easier life.  I wanted the fulfillment of my own expectations.  I’ve since come to a place of more (not perfect, but working on it) acceptance.

A few years ago, I read a book called Loving What Is by Byron Katie, and her words about accepting reality have stuck with me since.  I haven’t done ‘The Work,’ and I’m no expert on her methods, but I’ve gotten at least far enough that I can deal with Gus’s disabilities without anger or resentment or any of the myriad negative feelings that are often expressed by some people about life with a child on the autism spectrum.  And I’m not judging those people who do feel that way - I’m not living their reality; I can only work with mine.

What’s interesting is that there are two realities that parents of children with autism (and other disabilities, truth be told) have to face.  There’s the reality that this is your child and you have to love and accept him/her for who they are.  But there’s also the reality that your child will eventually grow up and have to function in a society that is not (currently) so unconditionally accepting.  So by necessity, we either have to teach our children to navigate the world, or we have to change the world, or we have to somehow do both.

Until those things happen, I will keep entertaining and teaching and redirecting and doing my damnedest to be patient when things don’t go exactly according to my plan.  The reality is that my plans are pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things.  I can either go with the flow or fight the tide.  But if I get all wrapped up in the fighting, when the sun finally does come out, I’ll miss it and the chance to go out and play.

So if you’ve seen the right sidebar of this blog, you will have noticed that today is Autism Twitter Day.  An enormous community of professionals, parents of people on the autism spectrum, adults on the autism spectrum…lots and lots of people with some connection to autism are all tweeting away on Twitter.  So if you’re on Twitter, you can search the hashtag #ASD and follow the panel discussions and just general information sharing in real time.  Loads of awareness being raised today!

There are prizes being donated, and so far I’ve learned a bit about executive functioning, vision issues, auditory processing, safety concerns, and parental concerns letters for IEP issues.  There have been discussions of diets, best toys and products for kids on the spectrum, and people’s different experiences with different therapies.  The discussions move pretty fast, but if I was able to follow what was going on, anyone can.  There are still a few hours left!