Jan 12 2009
Autism and Bullying
Mary at Bon Bon Gazette and the NJ Moms Blog did a couple of posts on this on this topic that I saw last week, and then I read this comment from a reader to my weekend post:
“I also have a son with aspergers syndrome. Justin is 12 yrs old a very quiet pre-teen. Who is a 7th grader in Jr. High. My main concern is that the kids at his school has started seeing him as an “easy target”. Justin won’t tell on these kids because he doesn’t want to get people in trouble. He is such a kind hearted boy and wouldn’t even hurt a fly. How can I get him to understand that what these kids are doing to him is very wrong and he needs to get help from an adult to put a stop to this once and for all? Please somebody help me and tell me what I should do as a parent!”
It’s disturbing that bullying is such a prevalent reality for so many students with special needs. With most kids on the autism spectrum, they may not look any different from their peers, but they often exhibit behaviors or a lack of social savvy that makes them easy targets for bullies. The harassment typically becomes a serious issue around middle school age and can last through high school. A conversation with Gus’s counselor revealed that students on the autism spectrum often don’t understand that they are being mistreated; they can think the abusers are their friends and that must be the way friends act. She mentioned a high school Aspie who would do some pretty outlandish things at the urging of other students because he didn’t realize they were mocking him. Another child began to view the physical abuse he was receiving at school as a ‘ritual’ and it fed into his perseverative tendencies. He would actually seek out the bullies because the abuse became his pattern until he was hurt and the school nurse intervened. The victims will usually not speak up for themselves, and the bullying may not go unchecked until there is some severe incident or the victim’s behavior begins to change and a parent, teacher or counselor takes notice.
Schools are becoming more responsive to these incidents because the situation has gotten so bad. Although there are federal laws (Rehabilitation Act of 1973, Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990) protecting the disabled against harassment in any educational facility that received public funding, on a practical level, it doesn’t offer much in the way of prevention. So what can parents do to protect their children from being tormented by their peers?
Be Aware
You can’t be with your child all the time, but you can be aware of any changes in your child’s behavior or appearance. Notice if your child is coming home dirty, with torn clothing or with bruises. Changes in behavior may include reluctance to go to school, an increase in behaviors that indicate distress (like stimming), changes in sleeping or eating, flinching, aggression or out-of-the-ordinary withdrawal. Also, don’t be afraid to ask questions of teachers and classroom aides to stay on top of what goes on during the school day.
Your IEP as a Tool
While you can’t directly have antibullying written into your child’s IEP, there are goals that can be written in to help reduce the risk of bullying. Goals that specifically work to increase social skills like recognizing social cues, assertiveness, or avoiding and handling bullying can be helpful. In addition, it may be possible to request services to prevent bullying such as staff monitoring in areas where bullying is likely to occur. If bullying has or is occurring, counseling support should be made available.
Educate the Peers
Emily at A Life Less Ordinary has had to deal with bullying and came up with a fantastic idea to educate her son’s peers about her son so that they would have a better understanding of some of his behavior. If Bullying Prevention programs at schools took a similar approach and educated their students about autism and other special needs, it might help reduce the ‘otherness’ of the special needs students. See what your child’s school or district might have in place for conducting this kind of diversity training. If nothing’s available, be proactive and try to get something started. And remember that kids who are neither bullies nor victims can play a role in bullying prevention as well by being encouraged to take a stand against it, as noted in the Autism Asperger Publishing Company’s Winter 2006 Newsletter, which was devoted to the issue of bullying.
Who Should You Take the Issue Up With?
As much as parents want to protect their child’s well being, it is possible to make the matter worse if you address the bully directly – it can just cause the situation to escalate. But you can’t ignore it either. Likewise, contacting the bully’s parents might have an adverse effect. If the incidents occur in school, start with your child’s teacher. If that doesn’t help, try the school principal. In severe cases, or situations where the school administration can’t control the situation to keep your child safe, remember that the law is on your side if you have to contact local authorities. If you still don’t feel that your child is safe, home schooling may be an option to consider, at least for a while.
Other reading
Some available resources:
Preventing Bullying of Children and Youth on the Autism Spectrum
Bullying (and Asperger’s Syndrome)
Bullying Among Children and Youth with Disabilities and Special Needs
NAS: Bullying: A Guide for Parents
And The Gray Center has several books and a DVD available on the topic of bullying as well.
If you have anything to add, or if I’ve misstated something, by all means, add to the discussion of this very important topic.
I was a victim of bullying in my middle school years. Physically, I stood out for being 4′8″ (so little changes) and having developed early. Worse, I admitted to being book smart. The social mistake of raising my hand to answer questions in class was unforgivable. I was (am) a bit of a snob, but I was also painfully shy. While I’ve learned to get along with all kinds of people as an adult, the eight grade girl who was verbally assaulted every day still has insecurities that effect me today.
My experience was different than kids on the autism spectrum, of course, but one thing is true in schools today as much as it was ten plus years ago. Teachers know what is going on. Mine did. When I went to the teacher who’s two hour block of English and history was the worst part of my day asking for help, she said “you say stuff back to them (six or so aggressive boys).” Even if she only knew the half of it, she should have been enough of a leader as the adult in the classroom to stop the problem before it got so far.
My point is this: don’t assume teachers and other staff will stop bullying if they only knew it was happening. I would like to think special needs kids are a little more protected by teachers, but I doubt it.
Thanks for the link. Sadly my son has been the victim of bullies from preschool and onward - now in 2nd grade. He has high functioning autism. It bothers me greatly, I can only protect him so much. The worst is when kids taunt or talk about him as if he is not there, he understands every word that these people say.
Temple Grandin the other night talked about the “pressure cooker” that middle and high school can be for aspie teens and how she was tormented and called a Retard by someone (she then threw a book at them and was thrown out of school).
Bullying stinks.
My 4 autistic kids have been bullied too.
Teachers knew, and apart from some individual good teachers, the rest ignored it.
At one school I went higher and I was told to raise my children better and that autism was just a result of bad upbringing. No wonder my children didn’t feel well at school there.
What worked best for me was to involve a social worker from outside school.
The fact that I went with the troubles to a third party brought things into motion.
Schools don’t like that.
While bullying is NEVER acceptable and can damage any child– victim or bully– it must be so much more distressing for parents of children on the Autism spectrum. I believe that, in addition to being proactive about educating parents and teachers about bullying, and making sure that they take reports of it seriously, we also need to involve the adolescents in stopping this scourge of childhood. Children have incredible empathy, if they are only encouraged to express it. Peer mentoring, the Golden Rule, putting yourself in someone else’s shoes… youngsters’ bad behavior and poor choices CAN be turned around, if only they have constantly reinforced tools at their disposal. In Grumble Bluff, my “tween” novel, I write of the effects that bullying has on two junior high students, and of the awesome power that friendship can have in seeing them through. I look forward to the day when it becomes “cooler” and more popular to be kind and tolerant, than it is to be a bully. Karen Bessey Pease, author of juvenile fiction, www.karenbesseypease.com
My daughter has Asperger’s traits although she hasn’t officially been diagnosed. She’s always been a target for bullies because she is different. She doesn’t know how to control her emotions and kids usually take advantage of that. She also has a one track mind and has a hard time talking with her peers about different topics. Because of this she has a hard time making friends. Bullying has always been a problem for her. Thank you for explaining this. Now I have a better understanding of my child. I really enjoyed reading your article.
People interested in learning more about Autism and Bullying can download the free autism spectrum podcasts put out by Midnight in Chicago at www.mic.mypodcast.com
Bullying is a reality for kids of all shapes and sizes and dispositions. The advice should remain the same - get help, not advice, from an adult.
Heading into 7th grade, we were well aware of the possibility of bullying and discussed it well in advance with my child’s counselor and teachers. My 7th grade aspie doesn’t usually get bullied, and if he does the other kids at school are quick to come to his aid. His unusual behavior-meltdowns, crying, whining, etc., are answered by another child, saying, “It’s okay,” or “Don’t have a heartache” or something like that. And they are quick to help when he is frustrated. Part of the reason for this good behavior is that they have grown up in school with him and are used to him. But, I think the best thing we ever did for the Junior High scene was educate his peers. He had to do a research paper and present it to the class. He chose Asperger’s, and got up and explained to his class why he acts the way he does. We have also made each teacher aware of his idiosyncracies and he has two or three places he knows to go if he can’t handle whatever is happening that day. He is allowed to go to his “Safe Spot” any time of the day. We have spent some time discussing with him what behavior in other students is appropriate and what is not. One specific time the school police officer had to get involved, but it was resolved pretty quickly. I still have to spend a fair amount of time handling problems, but we have come a long way.