My Autism Insights

Autism is all over the media these days.  I don’t think a day goes by now that someone, somewhere isn’t talking or writing about it.  It wasn’t always this way; remember when you barely even heard the word?  Yet now there are those who seem to think it’s okay to capitalize on others’ hardships (that’s always been the way, maybe), using the rise in autism awareness as an excuse to ridicule/chastise/insult…I recall the stories over the summer of kids with autism and families being treated horribly.  I remember reading the comments on Internet articles that made me wand to go around the country smacking people for their ignorance.  But it has dawned on me that they really have no clue.

These people seem to think that if you are a parent of a child with autism, you must fall into one of two categories.  If you are still at the point of anger/sadness/fear, then you must just be seeing attention? money? a foundation to send your family on a Parisian vacation?  If you’ve come to the point of acceptance where you can acknowledge the challenges of autism but can also appreciate the awesomeness of your child, then you must be - I don’t know - Pro-Autism? (Which is probably something akin to Pro-Abortion - and an equally ridiculous label.)

What it comes down to, I think, is simply that these (many) ignorant people just have no frame of reference and can’t even begin to understand autism.  You might be thinking, ‘there’s no excuse for ignorance these days.’ But, isn’t there?  Come on, we all know how accurate the Internet can be, right?

Anyway, I’ve come to realize just how easily I could have been one of those people.  Some days, life with Gus has been like a Parisian vacation: traveling around a beautiful country where I don’t speak the language.  With some guidance it can still work out all right, but without it…could be pretty awful.

Let’s look at one scenario: Take a person who had very little experience with babies and small children (like me). This person had a child and knew from the beginning that her son was very sensitive, but didn’t think much of it.  And he was awfully cute, so she just adapted and made sure everything was quiet and not upsetting to him.  Anyway, newborns weren’t supposed to sleep, right?  Mother and son grew very close and developed their own internal communication.  It didn’t seem strange that he never asked for things; he had lots of small words; he was acquiring language.  Didn’t all kids repeat those words over and over?  What else were they supposed to say?  And she knew what he wanted most times, so he didn’t have to ask.  It did seem a little odd that he rolled instead of crawled, but everyone develops in different ways, so no big deal, right?  She thought it disconcerting that when his entire daycare class was at one end of the play yard, he’d be at the other end - alone.  But then again, she often liked to be alone; maybe he was just like her.  It was all good for about eighteen months.  Then when the ‘meltdowns‘ - hitting, screaming, kicking (not great for a pregnant belly), wailing inconsolably - started, this mother found herself at a crossroads.

She could head down the path marked, ‘Bad Bratty Kid - Discipline,’ or the road marked, ‘Normal Terrible Two’s - Proceed as Usual,’ or the way marked, ‘Get Help.’

Do you see how easy it is to end up down a negative path?  With no direction, no frame of reference, or even worse, bad guidance, anyone could end up down that mean, intolerant, bad road.  I had no frame of reference, but I was fortunate to have people around me who did.  They were my compass.

Unless they are scouts, how many people always have a compass with them?

I guess my point is that I’m feeling less angry at the ignorant, intolerant people of the world who say such awful, judgmental, hurtful things about people on the autism spectrum.  I’m feeling a tiny bit more tolerant, a little more empathetic.  The behavior is not right, but more worthy than pity than a beat-down.  At least that’s where I am today.

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