My Autism Insights

A few days ago, I posted about the Seymour family in Canada who was asked to leave a family style restaurant when their autistic daughter succumbed to a meltdown.  I put a link to the post in my private journal, and my good friend left a comment that moved me so much, I felt it should be seen by a larger audience.  So here are the words of Spindlewand:

“There are places where I can understand patrons expecting a level of silence and others where I would not. A family restaurant is no place to expect silence.

DH and I, when we had the chance, would frequently go to Applebee’s on a Friday night. We were usually the oldest people there, unless a grandparent showed up after a dance recital or something, and while I was occassionally annoyed by loud patrons, they were clearly the kind of loud patrons who are just - loud. No particular “reason” for it other than inconsideration. Even so, we never complained. Some people are going to speak loudly. The local Soccer/Track/Wrestling team is not going to be subdued unless for some bizarre reason they are out celebrating a loss. It goes with the territory. Any restaurant airing sports events on a TV patrons can see is going to be a noisy place.

One of the most impressive things I have ever seen happened at a wedding rehearsal dinner. It was an informal affair, with a lot of people who did not really know each other very well, and the bride’s aunt went into an epileptic seizure. One of the Groom’s friends looked up, said something like “Do you need us to do anything?” and when she was told no, everyone went back to their previous conversation and ignored it - not because they were insensitive, but because they felt that the person involved would prefer not to be the center of attention, and they were perfectly correct. It was a perfect handling of a difficult situation.

I don’t think most people really know that much about Autism. Eveything I really know about it I’ve learned from you. People in general may not realize that what they are witnessing is to a larger or smaller degree involuntary. However, once they are aware of that, they should understand that involuntary means you can’t help it and either politely ignore it or politely and quietly ask if any help is needed.

One would hope that the days of hiding the disabled away behind closed doors is long behind us, although so many things we wish were long behind us aren’t quite yet. Some people who are not disabled assume that they will always be young, healthy, in control of their lives and actions, etc. But you know what? I have been in at least four car accidents that you would have thought might have left me physically disabled. I have been blessed by God to walk away from all of them, one way or another. That can happen to anyone at any time. Maybe Autism can’t, but a number of other things that affect mind/body connection can.

I suppose it comes down, like everything else, to two simple things - your view of what people are and therefore what they are entitled to, and how close to that ideal you manage to keep yourself. I suppose these people feel that the “unhindered” are more deserving of the opportunity to eat outside the house than those who are in some way “impaired.” If not, they are not just inconsiderate, they are also hypocrites.

Yes, there are places I don’t take my own kids, who are each totally capable of wrecking a high Mass in their own way. We did not go to the tea shop I’ve been dieing to go to for Mother’s day because one look at the interior on the website alerted DH to the number of things the baby would be in danger of breaking, never mind whatever general mayhem he might set in motion. I can’t afford to eat in the kind of restaurant BH’s occasional loudness might really disturb, but if I could I might ask for a very early sitting, or a very late lunch - timing it when the fewest people would be around to be disturbed, if I thought it was a good idea at all. That said, those places are few. He goes everywhere with me and if anyone doesn’t like it the only reason I would not ask them to kiss my *ss is that they would not be good enough to.”

I read another comment on a similar issue that suggested parents of autistic children were too personally involved to see how these companies (airlines, restaurants) could be justified in their decisionmaking.  Well, Spindlewand doesn’t have an autistic child, and she seems to have a very clear understanding of the heart of the matter.

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