May 31 2008
Pressure and Self-Esteem
My son has been increasingly down on himself. Whenever he is corrected for something or questioned about his behavior he’s been responding with comments like, “I’m a loser,” or “I stink.” The phrases are things he adopts from TV or sometimes even from my own negative self talk (which I wasn’t even aware he was picking up on). For example, we have a video game - Mario Kart - that we all love to play together. I’m terrible at video games, and one day we were playing teams of two (poor Gus got stuck with me) and I laughingly said, “I stink at this.” So, I admit, that one was my fault.
I just wonder why the feeling behind the words has become so prominent these days. His teachers tell me he doesn’t exhibit any self-esteem problems at school (duh - except for the fact that he cries when he can’t finish his work on time or when he breaks a rule), but it’s clear to me that this isn’t accurate.
He’s been in a special needs class in a mainstream school all year, and I think the pressure has really gotten to him. It may be better for him in terms of academics - his academic grades are phenomenal - but in terms of behavior and socialization, they seem overly focused on his ability to focus and on medicating him so he can focus and blah blah blah. Medication will not magically make him un-autistic, even if he can focus with it (which I’m not convinced of)! He’ll still be anxious and he’ll still have meltdowns and he’ll still have difficulties that will require support. I’m not saying his staff in inept or that they’re singling him out, I just wonder if I screwed up. Maybe I should have just left him where he was happy. Maybe I should request to have him transferred back to his old school.
I don’t know what’s right anymore, but I just want my son to feel good about himself. He’s a great kid. He’s funny and incredibly smart and kind-hearted and affectionate and a whole host of other wonderful things. I tell him this as much as I can. But he’s not with me the majority of the time - he’s at school. Maybe the right thing would just be to keep him with me for a year or two.
