May 18 2008
When the Family Doesn’t Understand Autism
Raising children is hard when family members have a differing perspective about how you should raise your children. This becomes triply hard with an autistic child. When the family doesn’t ‘get it,’ it is a very sad thing.
My son was having a hard time this weekend, too much excitement going on around his sister’s dance recital. He enjoyed the show, but it also riled him up, far beyond the boundaries of his very tenuous self-control. He did his usual race through the house, became very inattentive and wild, and kept playing with a family member’s umbrella, which was not appreciated by said family member.
This led to a conversation about autism, impulse control and discipline. I tried to explain that traits like impulsivity, flailing when restrained, holding ears, zoning out, screaming…these reactions to internal or external triggers are not necessarily within the control of the autistic child.
“He needs to learn not to…”
And it would be great if he learned not to run up to the stage during a performance or to continually touch someone’s property when they said not to. It would certainly ease my mind if I no longer had to worry about him running off or getting into some kind of trouble. But the reality is that right now, he can’t control those impulses. It’s not a discipline issue, it’s a neurological disconnect.
It makes me sad to see this lack of understanding and lack of acceptance right in my own family.
